Monday, 16 January 2017

When I tell my daughter he wasn't "The One"

As I was spending time in my "war room"(aka the shower), because that's the only place I can hide from the little monsters that roam my house, I was thinking about those same little monsters and their wedding days.

I was thinking about what I would say to them as I stand at that podium or in front of the mirror as they tremble with anticipation and I share what could be some of the most influential words they hear as they embark on this new and mysterious journey of marriage.

The one thing that kept coming into my mind was that I really wanted them to know they have a choice. 

That as they walk down that isle and as they join hands and lives with the person standing across from them on that day, they are making a choice. That the words, " I do", hold so much weight and so much value.

I want to tell them that before this day that man or woman standing there, who will become my daughter or son's spouse, wasn't "the one" but in this moment they are making the choice that they are and will always be "the one".




I don't believe there is one great love, or one person made just for them because I don't believe that's how God works. I believe in a God that gives us a choice. A choice to follow him and a choice to love him. And I believe that's how he's made our love stories to be. That we can have a choice who we love, because isn't that what makes it truly love? That its something we get to say yes or no to, not something we are tricked into, or something that is inevitable whether we want it or not.

I don't want my kids to walk into a relationship believing the person they have chosen is "the one". I don't want them to ever feel the weight and heartache of doubting if they actually chose correctly when the storms come.

Because they will come. 

They don't need to be stumbling through a painful time with the pressure of also fearing they missed "him" or "her". I want them to know that by walking down that isle and saying I do, that that is what makes their significant other "the one". 

I want to tell my kids that one of the greatest ways they can sustain their marriages is by waking up everyday and saying "I do" all over again. Choosing that person when it's easy and most importantly when it's hard. I want to tell them that there will be days, like their wedding day, when the feelings and emotions make the choosing easy, but that there will also be days when those same feelings and emotions betray them and the choosing becomes almost impossible. Those are the days that I hope they remember that all they have to do is wake up and say I do one more time.

That they just have to choose today and tomorrow can wait until tomorrow. 

That falling on the never failing love of Christ will sustain them through anything. That when they feel unloved, lonely, and broken those feelings can either break them or they can propel them into an intimacy with their God that will blow their mind.

I want them to know that all the pain and heartache I've seen in my life, in my marriage, and in my relationships, I wouldn't trade for anything because those were the times I got to truly experience the love story I was made for. That I was able to find hope in the arms of a love that never ends and in that I get to see everything else as a gift.

And they get this too. 

I also want them to know that making a choice will always cost them something. That choosing to put the other ahead of themselves will cost them comfort, pride, and even their own happiness sometimes. But in that same breath, choosing to put the other first will bring longevity to their marriage, joy to their soul, and intimacy between them and God.

I want to tell them that making a choice also means that they will be choosing the consequences of that choice and to never take that lightly.

I want them to know I will always have their back, I will always be a safe place to come when they are feeling lost and confused. I will always be a place they can come to share in their joys and triumphs. I will always help them choose their marriage and will always help them to see the value and beauty in holding onto it at all cost. I will always be a place for them to hear the truth and to be held when that truth may be too much to bare.

I want to always be a place that points them back to Christ.
Back to "the one".

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