14.1.17

Why I say thank you for the bare minimum


I thank my kids for cleaning up their own toys.

I thank my husband for picking up his socks.

I thank my husband for holding the baby while I do the dishes. 



As I scan through social media there seems to be a trend of hostility toward thanking our spouses for doing "their job". This saddens me actually.

I say thank you for the bare minimum because when I say "thank you", they hear "I love you." I don't say thank you because I feel like they are doing something extraordinary or because I feel I have to be the 1950's wife and wait at the door in an apron with a plate of cookies. I say thank you because they matter and because I love them.




Let me just add I don't mind being in an apron waiting at the door with cookies either, that would probably bring my husband a lot of joy and I'm happy to contribute to that whenever I can. To be honest I would love for someone to be waiting for me with a plate of cookies too.

Just like my family doesn't need to earn my love, they don't need to earn my gratitude. When I spend my days scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets, hearing "thank you" is the sweetest sound in the world. So why wouldn't I want to bless my husband with that same sweet sound when he comes home and cuddles our fussy baby after spending his day giving of himself to others.

Yes, he goes to work because he "has to" but he also steps out those doors every morning because he loves us. Yes, he would still be waking up before the sun if he didn't have a wife and three kids but he does wake up before the sun every morning and to him, it is for us. And to me that matters. To me, that deserves my gratitude.

Sometimes intentions are enough.

I say thank you because it makes him feel valued and that is enough. Lifting him up doesn't diminish the effort I put in everyday.  Lifting each other up transforms our home. It makes my husband and my children feel valued and the result of that is them valuing others who might not necessarily "deserve it" outside our home.

And to me that's enough.

If you want to do something beautiful and transformative for your marriage, for your home, I highly recommend experimenting with "thank you's" more often. Not because they are deserved but because a thank you actually says "I love you".