14.3.19

The craziest story I've ever told.


I was at the gym today and while swimming laps God opened my eyes to something really amazing. Something I knew in my head, instantly went to my heart as I stared down at the blue tiles that guided my way along that lane in the pool.

Let me rewind a bit to give you some context.

A couple years ago I started going to a new church and while sitting in the seats there was an invitation for healing. The man speaking called out a few specific ailments he felt God spoke to him and one of those was for someone with issues with their chest or breathing. I knew this was directed at me. Especially since no one went up and with each item they called out there was always someone who went up.

I chose not to go up for a couple reasons at the time. One being that I was just learning that God really heals through His people and the other, and the biggest reason, was fear. I still can't pinpoint what I was afraid of exactly but the more I sit with it, the more I realize the devil just didn't want me healed. Not even just because of the physical aspect of it but because he saw the trajectory my life would take once I experienced the reality of healing in my own life.

Well this "alter-call" for healing happened one other week, specifically directed at an issue with breathing, and again I chose not to go up. And each time I left feeling so sad and frustrated with myself. I left wondering if I would have just obeyed, maybe I could live a life without asthma.

Some backstory on my asthma. 


I've had asthma for as long as I can remember. It was so severe as a kid. I saw the inside of more ambulances(parked at the fire hall because they were close by) and clinics with breathing machines than I can count. 
I had to leave so many friend's houses on sleep overs and went through inhaler after inhaler. 


It did get better with age but I really struggled with campfires, camping trips, and a lot of physical activities(like swimming).

It was actually just a few years ago that I had to take myself to emergency because I had one of the worst attacks of my adult life.



Well one day sitting in church, I made the decision to go up after the service and confess that the person they were asking for each time was me. A big reason I went forward was because God really began to convict my heart. He was showing me that by not going forward I was leaving that person, who stepped out in obedience and made himself very vulnerable, to believe that He was wrong. And that was something I didn't want. I didn't want to leave someone else with any feelings of unbelief or discouragement. 




Those are very stunting feelings on this journey.

I also went forward because I wanted healing, of course, and God had given me just enough measure of faith to ask. I was prayed for and I walked away to live another normal day. 

It's been about a year since I got prayer and for a couple weeks after I had to rebuke the lie of asthma less than a handful of times. I would begin to feel a slight symptom and then I would call it out as a lie and it would go away. After a couple times of this it never happened again. I knew that I was healed and any symptom I felt was just a lie to convince me otherwise. 

I'm so grateful to say that I haven't had an issue since. Not at campfires, around animals, or any other time that would trigger it before. 

Why swimming laps was so profound was because as I was going up and down that lane I realized I hadn't swam laps since before I got prayer. Before it used to be so hard to keep my head in the water and do a whole lap. As I was swimming this time, I looked down and realized it was easy. I swam for half an hour straight and wasn't out of breath at all. 

(And let me just add, I am not in good shape. So I can't justify it with that. I've been eating terribly and haven't worked out in a very long time. )

It was amazing in that moment because I had the revelation that God had really healed me. I knew it in my head but in that moment it was imprinted on my heart. What an incredible experience. 

But more importantly what an INCREDIBLE God!

I encourage you to seek Jesus Christ for healing. Because it's so real. Since my own experience with healing I've seen countless people healed. Find someone, message me even, and get prayer. Find someone who has the faith even if you don't. Because I assure you it's very very real.  



10.3.19

How not wearing makeup changed my life.

Let me give you a little background. 

I was that girl that wouldn't even have a "stay-home-day" without wearing makeup. I loved wearing makeup and placed so much of my value in it. I'd spend hours putting it on, hundreds of dollars buying it, and would feel embarrassed and like The Hunchback of Notre Dame's twin sister without it. 

Just in the past few months I've stopped wearing makeup. I have to add that God has been radically transforming my self-image and self-worth over that past few years and so this transition felt very seamless. He worked on my heart so gently that instead of prying it out of my hands, I willingly handed it over.

There were actually three big motivating factors that led me to part with wearing makeup. 

1. I wanted to see my beauty without it. God made me so beautiful, just like he did each and every one of you and if He found me stunning first thing in the morning I probably should too. I really felt that I wasn't trusting God with my self-image and in a way I was telling him that He fell short from my standards. That He messed up. I really just wanted to look in the mirror, go to the mall, spend time with others and truly KNOW I am beautiful

2. The word God gave me this year for myself was invisible. Now this might sound strange and very counter-cultural but I find it utterly amazing. He placed this desire in my heart to be invisible in this world. By stepping into this I am able to truly let others see Him. A good friend heard God say that I was like a glass building. That couldn't be more spot on. I want to be the glass that others can look through to gaze upon the only thing that even matters. The beauty of God's Spirit that lives inside me. 

3. This one, not being as profound sounding as the others, is still very valuable to me. When I stopped wearing makeup I saved a ton of money. I really felt like that wasn't the best use of my money. 

Since putting makeup aside God has been able to truly transform these desires in my life. He's made them become very real for me. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing every flaw and every place that needed to be covered up, I saw what God saw. I see what God sees. I can wear makeup or not wear makeup and it really doesn't effect me. And I think that's the biggest thing to take away from this. Wearing makeup isn't bad. I still wear it could days a week to respect my work-standards and for a couple other little reasons but the key is that I don't have to and it doesn't effect how I see myself or how I feel. 


I think we can implement this into so many areas of our lives. The things we do and participate in shouldn't shake our value and self-worth. 

At the end of the day this really isn't about makeup at all but about getting the distractions out of the way to let God show us who we really are. Our value, self-worth, our very identity should be in Jesus Christ. When we figure that out everything changes. We no longer allow things, no matter how big or small to hold us captive. 

And it's important to have our eyes open to the fact that so many things can steal our freedom. But when we are born again in Christ, we have power over all of it. We have been purchased at the highest price and our freedom is ours to keep. 

Thanks for listening <3



12.3.18

What was I designed for?



Understanding Spiritual Gifts 

“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds or working, but the same God works all of them in all men.”-1 Corinthians 12:4-6 

We are all called in different ways that are unique and special. Ways that are crafted upon the beauty of the very design of our individual personality, quarks, and desires. Our gifts aren’t bestowed upon on us based on who God wants to change us into but they are already woven into the fabric of who we already are. 

Our gifts, even though they may carry the same label, are very different and very unique. 

Our gifts are the indwelling, and in the same moment, the outpouring of the very spirit of the God of the universe, the partnership of the trinity, and the hands and feet of the living Christ. 

23.2.18

It's all in the wrist



As I was sitting with the word self-care again I felt drawn back to the things I often let slip in and out of my life. Not usually because I don't want them but because my time and the things I love to do don't often fit into an 8 hour day. 

And to be honest that's actually ok. I have learned to find so much joy in loving my husband well,  loving my children well, and serving and leading others. I've been given such the incredible gift of truly seeing these things as purposeful and fulfilling parts of my life. That mind set certainly didn't start out there but God has definitely grown me into a beautiful season of contentment and joy in all the mundane and ordinary my life brings. 

I love that I can look back and see how incredibly hard it was to be a new wife, a new mom, and even new to this whole friendship thing with real women who need real time and dedication from me. I remember the intense loneliness and struggle in marriage, the heavy weight of feeling trapped and useless as a mom, and even the constant give and take, and more often give, of friendship. The reason why I love looking back at this is because I get to see how far I've come. And not necessarily the circumstance, even though there are definitely parts of each of those things that have blossomed and changed in beautiful ways, but just the way God has changed my perspective. That I've been able to see the value in these areas of my life and how it's all been entrusted to me because God trusts me to care for them. 

That I have a husband that I get to show patience, endurance, and wholeness too. That I have children that I get to partner with God in growing into beautiful and kind adults. That I, for once in my life, have friends that I get to love on by picking up my phone when it stretches an uncomfortable part in me, by leaving my dirty house to clean one of theirs, and by pulling up my big girl panties when I'm having a painful season to instead be a shoulder for them during theirs. 

I still need to be reminded of this from time to time for sure but I'm now living a life born from the seed of gratefulness instead of regretfulness. 

So I guess what all that is trying to say is that this new aspect of my self care comes from a heart of thankfulness. That taking this next step in focusing on my is simply God's invite into more for myself, not because I'm not happy with the gifts he's already given me but instead because God is a God who give and gives in abundance. 

What I feel I'm receiving permission or a prompting to pursue in order to care for myself more is simply fun. To take the time and remember all the things that I love to do and to make time to do them. 

The first things that came to mind was definitely writing. I've always loved to write. Ever since I was a little girl I would write. Whether it was heart sick love poems for long lost middle school sweethearts to angry letters to my dad for not letting me have a sleep over, I love writing. (And let me add, I now see why he said no). 

I've definitely put this on the back burner and I want more. 

Another area of my life that you might find very strange to put in the fun category is work. I actually love to work. I love seeing things produced from my hard work. I love knowing I've done something well. I have a tendency to be a workaholic if I'm not careful but I am trusting God to help me find balance in this. 

So I guess my next step in this journey of self-care for me is to actually take time and make a real list of the things that I love to do. Or better than that, a list of the things I used to love to do and do them. The reason I say a list of things I used to love to do is because I think we get so busy in life we actually don't know what we like to do anymore or who we even are as individuals. So at least this way I will have something on my list and then I can scratch off the things that don't fit anymore but at least its a place to start. 

So I'm hoping you will take this step with me. Find a notebook, a napkin, or an old grocery receipt and make your list of the things you like to do. Just you, not a family activity or a service project but things you enjoyed when you had the time for just you. And then pick some or even just one and make space for it. 

I'd love to hear what you choose <3 

I will post my list on my instagram if you want to see what else I think up. 

www. instagram.com/tinyhousewife 

20.2.18

Dipping my toes in self-care


I've been wrestling with how to start this. How to begin sharing with you about this new journey I'm on. A big part of that is just trying to figure out what it will look like for myself even.

I feel very called to this journey of exploring self-care but I also feel very called to pursue it with caution. The reason for this big yellow sign I see in my peripheral is because I believe self-care can be a tricky thing and it can very easily get mixed into the big pot of worldly self-care slogans, retreats, and life plans.

I feel this is dangerous because I don't want anything I do or anything I pursue to ever dull the beauty and uniqueness of walking with Jesus alone.

He doesn't belong amongst those things and neither do I.

I'm not here to tell you that my way is the right way and I'm certainly not here to tell you that your way is wrong. But maybe I can challenge you just a little to ask if there is a way that could be better. If there is a way that you can truly care for yourself from the inside out without ever having to strive for it and without ever having to sacrifice the greater picture of generosity and self-less love.

Could there be a way to self care that is still putting others first and at the same time is leaving you truly thriving?

I believe there is. And my friends, I believe it to be the simplest and sweetest pursuit we will even embark on.






But don't take my word for it. My challenge for you is to come along with me. Dip your toes in the water next to mine and let's figure this one out together. 




Let's go deep, get raw, and see if there is a better way. An easier way. And maybe, just maybe we will find out that the path to healing, fullness, and joy has already been marked out for us. That the small path in the tall grass has already been cut away and we just need to adjust our compass a little to find it. 

I think where I will start is in a place that is very foreign to me. In a word that was once very fractured in my life. But I've known for a little while now that God has been aching to redeem it because I believe it's a word that so defines who he is.

That word is pursue.

I've spent most of my ministry being the pursuer and I love it. I love seeking out people to love, to encourage, and to disciple. And in that I already see such a huge picture of redemption.

But that's not the direction that word is taking in my journey of self-care. I believe God wants me to be pursued. This is so new to me. I've never actually seen myself as someone worth being pursued. I've seen God's relentless pursuit in my life over and over again and I so often see myself as the little lost sheep that he has kept coming back for time and time again. But outside of that, with people, with family and friends, I've never felt pursued. And I've tucked that desire away because I struggle so badly with the fact that I even have a desire like that. 

I so often feel bad that my deeply rooted knowing of God's pursuit doesn't feel like it's enough and it so should be! But when I'm being honest, it doesn't feel like it is. But the cool thing is is that he knows my heart. Oh how I love that. He knows that I need more time to believe him. 

He knows, that even though his pursuit ABSOLUTELY IS ENOUGH, my little human heart aches for more sometimes. 

And he will stop at nothing to bring me closer to him, to love me more, and to use whatever tool he has too to show me his perfect pursuit.



I don't know how this is practically fitting into my journey. 

Maybe it's just taking the time to acknowledge where I'm at, remember who he is, and trust him with the next steps. But I think one little part of this, my part of this, has been to make myself open to being pursued by others. To use my time wisely and to know when to say no. That has been so hard because I want to always say yes to relationships. I want to find more time and space than I actually have to care for others but that doesn't leave room for the relationships God wants to bring into my own life to love and pour into me. 

And I want that. 

I want to be around people who want to give back and want to see my spiritual life, my marriage, and my family thrive.

One way I've made small steps in doing this has been to be open to a new environment for those relationships. To take a little time away from the "normal" and the "comfortable" and step into a new place where God's given me permission to just be led.

And in all this I'm finding I'm not withdrawing from serving and caring for those whom God has entrusted to me but instead it's just equipping me to do it better.

And in this simple step of bravery and obedience I'm already seeing the pursuit. I'm already seeing people reach out toward me and want to take an interest in knowing me. All without wanting anything in return.

I don't know what this looks like for you. But just take a leap here. Step into the unknown of new friendships, new churches, new jobs, or whatever God lays before you and have courage. Know that you are not doing this alone and that God will always make a way and a good way for those whom He loves. And He so desperately loves you!

Your Love