12.2.18

Restless and Dreaming

Today I'm dreaming. 
Today I'm restless. 


We spent the weekend walking through the RV show and envisioning one of our greatest dreams possibly becoming a reality. I have to be honest, I've never really dreamed. Not until maybe a year or two ago when I was actually told that dreaming was a real thing and was something that God actually wanted me to do. 



I didn't really have many opportunities to dream before. Life didn't leave enough space for that. But now, watching God make that space for me, I'm excited, hopeful, and so very grateful. I feel honoured that the God, who created the very ground I tread on, wants to make sure I can dream. 

That's pretty cool. 




I think what's even more beautiful than being able to dream is to see the possibility of those dreams become a reality. To see that God wants good things for me and not just this rigid laid out plan. I believe that He wants the things that I want. He wants to fulfill the dreams that bring joy and unity to my marriage and that's pretty incredible. 




I also love to see how God takes the restlessness of my humanity and unfolds it into hope. The fact that He knows that I'm unsettled and that he wants to turn that into dreaming, is so gracious and so good. He doesn't leave me in this place of limbo but uses my waiting heart to infuse my life with joy in the unknown and the "what it could be." 

This same God, who is so often seen as a dictator or even as a distant and disconnected deity is anything but those things. He has his hand so gently woven into my own dreams and desires that it feels like I'm dancing on his toes. And at the same time he lets me take the lead occasionally, to show me he trusts me and cares about my freedom. 

This is who I believe God to be. This is what I choose for my life because it's real. It's good. He's real. He's good. 

I'm excited for what's ahead, even if it's not what I have pictured in my mind. I'm excited because He knows my heart, he knows my dreams, and he actually cares. He wants to see me skip ahead with that child-like grin, filled with passion and happiness. Just like I want to see that unfold in my own kids lives one day. 



It's incredible what it does to my heart when I remind myself that he wants to see my dreams come true even more than I do. He wants to see my marriage flourish, even more than I do. He wants me to experience blissful joy, even more than I do. He wants the best for my life, even more than I do. 

I know my restlessness is a result of my heart aching for it's true home and I know that there are no amount of fulfilled dreams that will settle that. Only when it's fit back into the hands of it's creator for good will the restlessness and the ache for home pass. But I'm ok waiting. I'm ok because I've seen what that same restlessness can become in this life. I've seen a glimpse of the hope and excitement that God can transform my wandering heart into. And for now, that's more than good enough for me. I will keep the anticipation of what's to come and tuck it in beside the joy given to me in this short, sweet experience of life. 

So, 

Tomorrow I will keep on dreaming.
Tomorrow I will still be restless but maybe just a little more hopeful too.