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Love- 
:unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. - Merriam Webster
:a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. - Dictionary.com





I've spent a good portion of my life being overwhelmed with this desire and need to give to the homeless. This ache at every corner or underpass, to give whatever I have in my pockets. This weight, while I'm fully aware of where it comes from now, was often times a burden. I was reprimanded and heard countless logical and honest reasons for not giving into this impulse. Most of them stemming behind the fact that these recipients were utterly undeserving because they would either buy alcohol and drugs or because they would simply squander whatever came their way.

As I've grown in my faith this ache or desire, this burden, has only deepened. The more I spend getting to know the God I follow and trust the more I feel all those "logical" voices float away with my youth.

I will never cease to give, especially to those who will squander.

As I've spent the past few months helping to make and handout lunches to the homeless and poor in our city I've encountered a kind of beauty I've never seen before. In the dirty and vulgar parking lot of downtown I've seen Jesus shine brighter than the cleanest and most transcendent landscapes.




I've seen the hands of Christ on the tired and hurried volunteers and the cry of Christ to lay ourselves down for those precious and dear to him, in the eyes of the lost and needy.



The ones who squander, the ones who get by on the backs of the middle class, the ones who we deem a burden and undeserving are the ones that I will give the most to. Be it my money, my time, or my love, hopefully all three.

I will tell you quite simply why I give. I can come at you with endless pages of scripture telling us to give to the needy and the poor and I know you will come back at me with countless rebuttals. So that's why I will tell you what has set my heart firm on this.

I give to those who squander because I am of the greatest who squander, what I so greatly don't deserve. 

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst." -Timothy 1:15

I have spent years of my life playing this game with God. I wander away and play with fire, I get burned, and then I come crawling back into his ever waiting arms to be bandaged up again. Not only do I continue to take advantage of his endless grace but as he tirelessy pours out more love, more grace, more forgiveness, I choose to do it my way despite. I can't even begin to list the countless things God has done in my life, some life saving, and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been ungrateful and have used His good for my gain.

"All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all." -Isaiah 53:6

I do not deserve God's constant handouts, I don't deserve his brown bag lunches and get out of jail free cards. Just like the dust covered, bearded guy on the side of the road with empty bottle in hand doesn't deserve my money, my time, and my love. But God didn't give to me because I deserved it and I don't give to them because they do either. He gave everything, up to His own life, simply because He loves me. And that is why I am not burdened, but am blessed to do the same. I can give to those who will use my money wisely, I can give to those who will cherish my time, I can give to those who will beam with my love, and don't get me wrong I won't withhold from them either, but that's not where I'm shining the true character of Jesus the most.

Giving looks like Jesus when it looks messy, undeserved, and when it costs me something great.

I don't give because I feel "called" to this, I don't give because I'm checking off a box, and I certainly don't give because I need to reserve a parking space in heaven. I give because Jesus loved me first and asked me to do the same.

"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."-Romans 5:8

He came and loved us so deeply that he died for us, not because we would eventually choose him but while we were STILL sinners and still may never choose Him. It wasn't because we were going to use the handout wisely or use it to get our souls out of poverty. He gave just because He loves us, even if we continue to squander it. 

The most dangerous prayer I have prayed has been one of asking for a heart like Christ, to love as He loves, directed at those He loves.

This prayer has realigned my vision to the outcast, to the underserving, and to the ones who may never be grateful for it. And this love isn't one I can explain, it goes deep into my core and scratches at my bones.
It's a love I can ignore in the business of life, in my selfish pursuits, and when I'm straying from God but when I'm experiencing this love it fills me, flows through me, and pours out all around me. This is a supernatural love that stems solely from Jesus in me.

To live out this love comes at a cost, but one so worth giving.


“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." -John 15:12




photo credit: nicht sexy aber arm via photopin (license)
photo credit: A Scarcity of Caring via photopin (license)
photo credit: via photopin (license)
I was sitting and reflecting on what God has been teaching me lately through scripture and a few books I'm also reading and the biggest theme I keep coming back to is how Paul met with people on their turf to witness to them just like Jesus did.
"To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law." 1 Corinthians 9:20
This wasn't him becoming sinful or falling in step with the world but was him sinking himself into the depths of these people's lives, enough to relate to them so they also cared enough to bring him in. I bring it up because I actually had a moment with this after praying God would present me with these opportunities.

I am amazed at how immediate His response is when we are praying in line with His heart. 

I started a conversation with a girl whom I don't normally connect with on a personal level and a topic was brought up that I happened to have a little bit of knowledge on because a few people around me had been through it. It was amazing how easy and fluid the conversation was and how deep it went despite it being such a "superficial" topic. What I thought would be a light and surface level chit chat became a meaningful and intimate way of growing into relationship. 

I walked away simply amazed by how deep a conversation like that could go and how in a conversation like that, that I might have thought would have been pointless and superficial, was exactly what she needed to grow into a deeper relationship with me. I take no credit for entering this with such kindness and grace. That was simply God answering my prayer and loving her through me.

I'm just beyond grateful that I can walk away getting that much closer to loving on someone I would never have thought to love for Christ and with being taught how important it is to let Jesus take over how we witness and leave out the cloudy legalism that's so easy to accompany us. 
God allowed me to enter her world and love on her without even bringing me anywhere close to sinning. I guess this is what it looks like to be in the world but not of the world. 

I feel sometimes topics are brought up and we can't even imagine how certain subjects might lead to glorifying Christ but we are so limited by our 20/20 vision. We might be so quick to judge the situation or say "I can't talk about that because there's no way I would do that", and not because it's black and white sinful but because we feel like we need to monitor other people's moral standards. This isn't the way Jesus did it and this isn't the way we should be doing it. 

If I am lucky enough to have someone bring me into their world, enough to share the depths of their heart, I have to jump on that opportunity to enter in and celebrate or cry with them. When we are invited into someone's home we are a guest, we don't start pulling down their art work and pull up their carpet because we don't like the colour. We take the time to see the beauty in their differences, their tastes, and how they are expressing themselves. When we are invited into the heart of people around us our response should be the same. 
The thing she was excited about wasn't something I would have chosen for myself and was even something I could have listed off 100 reasons not to take part in, but that wasn't my place. I wouldn't have been shining Christ and I would have been pushed out of any chance of intimacy with her ever again. I want to be here to love everyone, exactly where they are at because that's exactly how Jesus loved and continues to love me. 

I make choices that I know Jesus looks at and says, If you chose "this" it would have been easier or better, but instead He celebrates with me and cheers me on. He loves me through it all and gently waits for me to check my compass again.


“I worry the Christian community has accepted an insidious shift from laboring for others to prioritizing our own rights. We’ve perpetuated a group identity as misunderstood and persecuted, defending our positions and preferring to be right over being good news. We’ve bought the lie that connecting with people on their terms is somehow compromising, that our refusal to proclaim our moral ground from word one is a slippery slope. It has become more vital to protect our own station than advocate for a world that needs Jesus, who came to us, wrapped in our skin, speaking our language. If we were not too beneath Christ, who died for us while we were still sinners, then how dare we take a superior position over any other human being? How lovely is a faith community that goes forth as loving sisters and brothers rather than angry defenders and separatists.” 
― Jen Hatmaker, Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity

It's time for us to make people belong far before they choose to believe!


photo credit: When Time Stands Still - Mother and Daughter Reflect via photopin (license)


I'm Prone to Wander.


That's how I've always been. Some say I have a free spirit, some say I'm unstable, and some say I'm full of faith and ready to leap.


I love change, I thrive on it actually. The more movement, the more I feel at home and safe.

I love the thrill of something new and before God set my feet on his firm foundation, this trait would often lead me to run at the hint of the first breeze. It would leave me anxious and uneasy when stability and permanence crept up to my door.

As I've spent time with this I've decided that this trait, or whatever you choose to call it, is both a product of the often swirling and spinning world I grew up in, where it never felt safe to set my feet down, and simply the beautiful and unique way God has made me.

Having this freedom to jump at any moment, move at any call, and go with the flow has made life easier for me but I always felt it was a symptom of being broken. Spending my life never wanting to sit still or settle down made me feel lost and unstable. I felt as though I was a burden to my call as a mom and a danger to the domestic life.

I didn't fit in with where I was supposed to be in this stage of my life, so I felt lost and confused. Constantly in search of weights to tie around my ankles to keep me from floating away.

It's taken a while for God to chip these lies away in my life. It's taken His endless patience, grace, and gentle whispers to finally teach me that I am not broken.
The most freeing moment of my life, apart from being found by Jesus, was when I was told that satan was twisting my words around and that I am not unstable but am instead responsive to the Spirit. This was the beginning of a whole new acceptance of not only who I am and how I was made but of the purpose and call God has placed on my life.

I was given permission to be exactly who God made me and I was loosed from the burden of feeling like who I was was simply a product of the brokenness and pain that was inflicted on me throughout my life.

It's beautiful to imagine how the Spirit of God works and how in some small way God has made me someone that effortlessly flows with that when I'm in step with Him.  There are so many verses that describes the Spirit as moving, dwelling, coming upon, resting upon, guiding, abounding and so many more.
What a freedom and relief to untie those ankle weights and just let go. To trust God enough to know He will ground me just enough to not float too far away. I now sit with God in disciplining myself to recognize the moments when it is time to sit and rest and wait. To know that I do need to be refuelled and I can't run on fumes but to also know that He has "knitted me together" and that He not only knows me better than I know myself but He loves me far more than that. He cherishes me.

I am me and that's perfectly ok.


photo credit: I've been losing you... via photopin (license)

I want to gather up these roots like a skirt and carry them on the wind. 
I want to go,
go where none have touched yet,
go beyond my rational and stretch to the edges of my dreams.
And as my roots ache for the depths, instead I will dance and lift them where ever you lead. 
Weightless as a song, take this heart among the lost and lonely.
Let me lift the ones weighted down by the busy and help me to bring them into your rest. 
You've made me as wild as a colt destined for the horizon. 
Don't let the rush of life settle me but teach me to dream.
To live life on the wings of the unknown.
The freedom of uncertainty and the confidence of knowing you've already touched the end.
Use this wandering heart for more than pointless chatter.
Don't let me slip into the suits and ties and the rat race of the nine to fives.
But give me childlike wander, let me be playful and never lose these quick feet and this faithful saunter. 
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