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What a loaded question. And one that I am really struggling to answer in my life.

 I've been taught by the world what Christianity comes across as and that makes me sad. It truly aches my heart.

I've been taught by my parents what it should look like and there were far too many holes and far too many days not living it out that left me lost.

I've been taught by church what it's supposed to look like and I have walked away with a lot of wisdom and friendships and guidance in my early days but there seems to always be something missing when I step out those doors into the real world.

And now I'm being taught by my soul friends, my bible, and most of all by the Holy Spirit. The very spirit that lives in Jesus is now teaching me through me! That is the most amazing concept there is once you can finally grab ahold of it.

So as I battle with the truth that is growing inside of me and the influence of the world around me, good and bad, I sit and try to understand what this is really supposed to look like because this world wind of passion and truth and unrest inside myself seems to go against everything around me. I've been told that I'm supposed to be uncomfortable and that what I believe will make me stand out but I've never been told that at that moment when I truly start to take steps like Jesus that I will face adversity at every turn.

I've found so much comfort resting in the word of God and walking with Peter and Paul and Simon and many more as they face not only adversity but persecution, imprisonment, and death by the very people who were supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the time.

We are told to ask Jesus into our hearts and then follow him but what does following Jesus really look like? Is it sunday morning in stiff pews taking in a message we usually have our noses turned up to? Or is it standing while the worship band plays a new hip song and we occasionally raise a hand or sway back and forth but not so much that we bring attention to ourselves? Is it secretly buying a coffee for the person behind us in the drive thru? To me all these things seem pretty normal and the more I get to know Jesus the more I know down to my core that this isn't enough.

I don't have all the answers and I'm still trying to get past the fear and uncomfortability of my own life but I want more. I want to step into my church and feel so at home that I don't feel like I belong anywhere else. I want to stand with the worship band and be so over come with the holy spirit that the rooms explodes with joy and song and people dance around and jump on pews and sing and praise with every bone in their body. I want to be moved and equipped and then sent out to go into the world as a disciple. I want everyone around me to see Jesus radiating so brightly through me that I become a magnet for him. I want to heal the sick and raise the dead and perform miracles and great wonders everywhere I go for the glory of God. I want to devote everything I do so passionately and completely to Jesus that humility is a nonissue.

I want to lay my head down every single night knowing everyone around me couldn't shake that overwhelming love of Jesus for them. I want to move mountains and make disciples of the world.

I want to make Jesus, my father, my redeemer, my king, shine his face upon me because I am doing his work. I want to make my daddy proud! And I want to stop letting everyone around me down because I'm afraid to look radical, or crazy, or alone.

I guess I just want to be a Christian.




photo credit: fence in fog via photopin (license)
photo credit: Mom. via photopin (license)




From as early as I can remember my eyes have always been focused on the future. I was a fresh fifteen when I jumped in a cab and got my first job and from then on I've had a steady job and big plans for university and a career that I could be proud of.
This was something that became so embedded in me that it settled into the deepest corners of my heart. I had fallen madly in love with the prospects of the future.
Living this way, I would be seen as someone right on track, a youth to be proud of, but as I see my children's years speeding up before my eyes I see the danger in this way of thinking.

Plans change. Life throws you curve balls you can't hit no matter how hard you try. And that is what happened for me. As I look back I see these curve balls had very little to do with life and much more to do with God's bigger plan.

My big plans were quickly thrown off course when I found out I was pregnant at 19, and while that hit my little heart pretty hard, it wasn't long until I was just rerouting those plans and finding a way back to them.

Shortly after finding out the news of our little man that was joining our newly budding relationship, we packed up our little apartment and my one suitcase and made our way to Canada. All the while I was planning for when I was going to go back to school and trying to pick the best degree for the biggest career. The thing I noticed over these years of planning was that there was never a career that seemed to work for me. I would toss around idea after idea and I would always end up right back at the drawing board but I knew I had to pick something.

I just thought that maybe I hadn't figured myself out yet.

As the days swept by the deep love I had planted for my future at university hadn't faded. There were multiple times we would drive by the local university and I would bury my face in my arm and would cry. My heart ached so much thinking of my great plans being shattered. My heart was truly broken.

I'm sure I had opportunities to pursue these dreams and getting pregnant wasn't what held me back at all but to me at the time that's what seemed to be the culprit.

Years flew by and we made choices that took me further and further from those big dreams I had and the tears still fell and my heart still ached but the distance life was putting between me and that old life made it fade just a little. But it would always seem to find a way to sneak back in and pull me back down.

Until I finally figured it out!

It wasn't until this last year that I finally figured out that those big dreams that I was so deeply invested in were never meant to be. Getting pregnant young was a result of my own decisions but the rerouting of my plans were always what God had in mind. I'm learning now that those plans were mine and mine alone and even if things had gone differently all those years ago that was never the plan that was supposed to be lived out.

There was a reason I never "figured out" a career I fit into, there was always a reason that I couldn't find direction when looking into my education. It was because I was never supposed to be there.

What a huge time of healing for me! As I spent that last year finally getting to know my God, He has slowly started showing me the plans that he has for me and with that he started to heal the broken heart that I had inflicted on myself.

There are definitely days now that I sit and think about the future and what God has ahead of me but the key part of that is that I'm now focused on the plans God has for me. I had this huge plan that would have never worked out in the first place and now I bury my head in my arm and cry not because I'm broken over the change in plans but because I am thankful that God pulled me out before I walked too far.

Jeremiah 29:11
" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I have read this a ton of times but not until this last year did I really begin to understand what it means. It's good to have plans and dreams but I placed all my cards on the plans that I had when I couldn't see beyond the horizon. God already has plans for me and they are perfect!


I now sit at home with two babies running around terrorizing the cat and drawing on walls and I feel a joy I know now I never would have had if I hadn't let God take over. I have a sense of peace and joy that is irreplaceable simply because I am exactly where God wants me right now. And this looks different for each of us. For the stay at home moms or the five to nine moms, if you settle into where ever it is that God wants you right now then you will always find rest and purpose.

There is no greater joy than finding yourself sinking into God's precious and unfailing plan for your life. I realize now that the place I set aside in my heart for my "future" was always supposed to be for God. I was making it a god in my life and because of that I had to face the consequences of it and that was a heart so deeply broken I didn't know if I could pick it back up. But I didn't have to. God saw me in my sadness and while I cried he cried with me then he waited for me to see him and he let me run into his arms. He picked up all the broken pieces and put them all back together better than they were before and helped me set my eyes back on him.

I still slip and slide but I know exactly where I'm supposed to put my feet now and I know that no matter what life looks like I will always have a great purpose. No matter how mundane or how wild, God sees the whole picture and I get to trust him to be waiting just on the other side of the horizon with the rest of the path.

I still have a future but now it's a future that I will fit perfectly into. A future where all the beautiful gifts God has given me will be used and a future that will truly glorify him. There is nothing more I could ask for beyond that. And the cool part is that I'm way more excited for this future because now I don't have to get it right. I don't have to worry that I chose the wrong path. All I need to do now is let go, be patient, trust God, get to know His voice more, and jump when he calls.



photo credit: broken dreams, broken heart, broken relationship, broken key via photopin (license)photo credit: Barbed wire and blue skies via photopin (license)photo credit: On the road in Nevada via photopin (license)


When asked to speak in front of a large group and share my heart on the importance of community the first emotion I felt was excitement. That alone is a huge testament to God’s great work in my life. I am not a public speaker and I more often than not see myself as a baby Christian clinging to God’s coat tails but being up there and feeling that new sense of confidence in Christ’s work in my life speaks volumes on the subject of God’s use of community in my life.

As I’ve fallen more deeply into the hands of Christ, my self-image has drastically changed but as I’ve fallen into the hands of God’s purpose for community I’ve finally started to see myself as Jesus does, through the eyes of the Christian family I’ve surrounded myself with.  

They’ve taken the time to show me how much I’ve grown when I couldn’t see it myself and they have been the audible voice of God telling me I am worth more than I thought I was. The most rewarding part of community for me is seeing the work of Christ in my life and the wisdom he is blessing me with shine onto the people around me. Being able to see that I am not just a seed to be planted but that I am planting seeds and in this new stage of my journey I’m so blessed to be able to see those seeds growing around me.

“Christian community is simply sharing a common life in Christ. It moves us beyond the self-interested isolation of private lives and beyond the superficial social contacts that pass for Christian fellowship. The biblical ideal of community challenges us instead to commit ourselves to life together as the people of God.”
-         -Howard Macy

True Christian community matures us so that we don’t get tossed around by false teachers and glamorous bible salesmen. It allows us to be a light to the world and allows others to actually see Christ here, through us. It provides a place for prayer and worship, a place to serve, a place to encourage others and to be encouraged, and most importantly a place to bring honor and glory to God.

Each and every woman was born with an almost unquenchable desire for intimate relationship. God made us this way because he wants us to seek after an intimate and passionate relationship with Him. He has given us community with our husbands, our children, and other believers to draw us into that relationship with him.

John 17:22-23
“The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them as you loved me.” 

These are the words of Jesus to God for us.

For me seeing this vision for community brings me a sense of hope I never had before. It comforts that innate human flaw that tries to convince me that I am not worth it and it brings truth into the lies I’ve always believed, that relationships and friendships are conditional and fleeting.  God’s vision for community is so much more than what we are experiencing and more than we can even imagine. A family of people so madly in love with Jesus that we wash each other’s feet daily and even die for one another. A love so pure and unconditional. The way that Jesus walked with his disciples was our example of how we are supposed to walk with each other. The relationship and unity between God and Jesus was given to us on the cross to have. There is no longer a veil keeping us from perfect unity and relationship with each other and with God because now when God looks at us he sees Jesus and this is what we are supposed to show the world through our relationships with each other.
 
Ephesians 4:11-16
  "And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds[a] and teachers,[b] 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,[c] to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love."

We are made to be in unity, in community, in intimate Christian relationships so that we can grow into Christ. We are the body parts that make up God’s new vision of Christ on earth now and when we all work in unison we become the image of Christ, of pure love.

This is the importance of community.   

So what does God want this community to look like?

Acts 2:42-47
 “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were bring saved.”

We are called to devote ourselves to the gospel, to the teachings of Jesus. To unite into a family focused on Christ day by day. We are called to serve others and like Jesus did we are called to lay our lives down for others. When we start to follow God’s vision for community an “awe will come upon our souls” we will perform “many wonders and signs”, we will be together and have “all things in common”, we will have “glad and generous hearts”, and we will have “favor with all people.”

I think one of the most amazing lessons Jesus teaches us on community, and that if we really take the time to focus on can completely transform and flip over the often honest stigma that comes with Christian fellowship of judgmental clichyness, is that we all have all things in common and we are all the same. We can come into this community and be welcomed and loved exactly where we are. That’s how Jesus takes us and how can we ask more? There should be no separation based on wealth, or whether our marriages are flourishing or falling apart. There should be no separation based on age or worldly value or attractiveness. Whether you come from royalty or you just spent 20 years in prison this should be a family that you can be welcomed into with open and loving arms. Without judgment and fear. Jesus sets this example for us when he came to a world full of sin to be a literal sacrifice for us when he himself was sinless.

Hebrews 2:11
“For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers…”

We are all children of God, we have all sinned and fallen short, and we are all offered forgiveness and perfect love in Christ. There are no social ladders to climb here. When we step into the family of Christ we enter in as broken people redeemed by the grace of Jesus alone.


Jesus set this amazing example of community for us. He set the stage and left us with a detailed manual on how to live it out and all we need to do is take ahold and run with it.

















photo credit: Claude, Texas via photopin (license) photo credit: [Fishing gear] via photopin (license)
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